i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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