I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
