Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
