could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize