They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Welp...herpes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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