so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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