I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it because I queefed?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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