Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
