Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
