One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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