wanna go halves on a baby?
I just cut my nipple shaving
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
