I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
