We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize