he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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