So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
