I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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