Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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