Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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