The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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