just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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