I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
