I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would ride that face into the sunset
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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