Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
