Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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