and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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