sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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