OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize