i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
