The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
