everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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