Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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