I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
