I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
