How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
