Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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