i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
