I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
