Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
