I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
