my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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