i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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