Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
