2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
