she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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