pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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