So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
