She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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