she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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