At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
