I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
