You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
