I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
