I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
