Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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