a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
