HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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