dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
