Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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