shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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