When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
