I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
