my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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