Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the day after is always just damage control
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize