That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
