Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
