ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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