drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
