cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
