My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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