no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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