my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
