maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
