Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
