I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
