is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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