Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
