so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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