so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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