Don't you send me to vm
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
