Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
