Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
