I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
