Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize