I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
